


Momentum

by DefyingNormalcy



Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Gentle fluff, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-05
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-19 15:04:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8213473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefyingNormalcy/pseuds/DefyingNormalcy
Summary: What if Joan and Vera’s debriefing sessions had gone a little differently? My take on that, and the subsequent consequences. “There was a sweetness in the air, a certain electric charge as the smoke curled around Vera’s hair to whisper something delicious and dangerous into her ear. She shook her head slightly and felt it weave in and out of her loose curls.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Many heartfelt thanks to the amazing Ifitbelove for her edits and enthusiastic encouragement.

i.

 

The lights were low in the bar, cigar smoke curled seductively around the patrons, caressing them like well-known lovers. There was a sweetness in the air, a certain electric charge as the smoke curled around Vera’s hair to whisper something delicious and dangerous into her ear. She shook her head slightly and felt it weave in and out of her loose curls. Around her, handsomely dressed patrons and their companions sat close together, lips occasionally meeting whilst hands daringly disappeared under tables. 

 

Vera took another sip of her drink and drummed her fingertips gently across the polished wood of the bar. Her shoulders were nearly bare, the delicate straps of her dress were hardly an inch in width and she’d forgone wearing a bra this evening. Her breasts felt amazing against the scratchy material of her dress and she could feel her nipples hardening to the precipice of both pain and pleasure. It was risky, wearing the slip of a cocktail dress. Even moreso given  _ where  _ she currently was. She didn’t care. In fact, she found herself more and more drawn to the implicit danger that her actions tonight were hinting at. Vera felt herself blush proudly; how far she’d come recently! She had never dared to hope that one day she might locate her own sense of agency and confidence in a slip of a cocktail dress whilst leaning provocatively over polished wood. 

 

From across the bar, a handsomely dressed patron fixated their eyes on her. From her peripheral vision Vera could see that they were taller than the other patrons huddled around that side of the bar and that they were dressed in a fine three piece suit. Vera smiled to herself and signaled the bartender to bring her another vodka soda. 

 

A flame sparked deep in the pit of her stomach as she saw her admirer shift down a few seats to get a better look at her. She purposely stretched across the bar to reach for her fresh drink, hoping that they’d get a decent look down the front of her dress. 

  
The vodka soda, which was really more vodka than soda if Vera was being perfectly honest, burned down her throat and splashed into the flame, exacerbating the heat prickling beneath her skin. 


	2. Chapter 2

ii.

 

“Vera, please come in,” Joan beckoned as Vera approached the doorway of the Governor’s office. Joan closed the lid of her laptop and straightened her uniform jacket before smiling up at Vera. “My, what have we here this evening?” she asked as she eyes Vera’s offering with a surprised grin. Her deputy blushed and Joan noted, not for the first time, how prettily it painted Vera’s high cheekbones.  

 

Vera smiled nervously and handed over the bottle in her hands. “A cousin of mine’s just been in from France. He and his wife went on a number of wine tours during their honeymoon and they kindly brought me back a few bottles. I, um, I thought that we could have that tonight instead of our usual? They said it’s very good, I haven’t tried it yet though,” she said and hoped that her initiative would be pleasing to Joan. 

 

Joan turned the bottle over in her hands and hummed approvingly. “Very good Vera! This looks like an excellent choice for this evening. I’ll just go pour us a glass,” she said as she stood up to retrieve a wine opener and glasses for their weekly debrief.

 

Vera let out a sigh of relief and reached for her jacket buttons and hairpins. She made a mental note to send her cousins a note thanking them once again for the company and the kind gift. Vera shook her hair out and loosened her tie, she turned around in time to see Joan walking back over to the desk, two very full glasses of wine in her hands. 

 

Vera accepted the offered glass and took a sip. Rich, aromatic flavours hit her tongue and she conceded that this was far better than the boxed wine her mother had prefered to keep in the house when she was alive. 

 

Joan took a sip as well, and closed her eyes to savour it. A look of pure bliss crossed her stern features and Vera found herself enraptured by just how beautiful Joan Ferguson looked in the middle of an, albeit innocently, pleasurable moment. 

 

“That is something, hmm? An excellent choice indeed. I might not let you take the bottle back home,” Joan teased as she reached up to undo her immaculate bun. 

 

Thick hair tumbled down to fall across her shoulders and the smell of jasmine and lavender teased Vera’s senses. The silver strands, which Vera noted were starting to overpower the black of her hair, shone in the dim lighting of Joan’s office. The very ends of her hair curled over her shoulder to obscure her name tag; her hair had grown considerably longer in the last year that Vera had known this formidable woman and her hands itched to reach out and stroke its length. 

 

“I might just have to book a vacation to France to procure a few more bottles!” Joan said. 

 

Vera found herself giggling. “You can keep the bottle. He brought me two more, I think he felt a bit guilty missing out on mum’s funeral,” Vera frowned and fingered the rim of her glass, “Anyway, it was lovely to see him under happier circumstances. We used to be quite close as children, but his family moved away when we were entering high school.” 

 

Joan listened, hanging on to every word her deputy shared with her, as she removed her jacket and rolled up the sleeves of her shirt. As far as Joan knew, she was the last of her namesake to live; her mother and father had long since perished, her mother had been an only child like her, and her father’s only brother had died before he had even reached adulthood. She had no family. No connections. No emotional bonds to speak of. She had been this way for the better part of the last two decades. 

 

“He’s recently married?” Joan inquired, wanting to know more about the Bennett clan. 

 

“Oh, yes. They wed a few months ago but put off their honeymoon until they were properly settled into their new house,” Vera said, “It was a long time coming really, they’ve been together for years.” She offered an awkward smile. 

 

Joan could feel the jealousy fluttering about in Vera’s tiny body, like a butterfly caught in a jar. She was fascinated by it. 

 

“That’s a lovely thing, don’t you suppose?” she pressed as she helped herself to another sip of the decadent alcohol. 

 

Truthfully, Joan had never been able to understand the appeal of marriage. She never played house as a child, or spent time imagining what her wedding dress might look like and how handsome her groom might be. Joan Ferguson did not care for the company or companionship of men, she  _ certainly _ did not crave sexual intimacy with them. It annoyed her to see powerful women give up everything they were and everything they could be for the ego and comfort of their men. She felt her upper lip twitch in disgust and she disguised it by taking a healthy sip of her wine. No, men had never been a concern or a want in Joan Ferguson’s life. 

 

As for the company and companionship of women, well, she’d tried that once and she had been burned so thoroughly that her heart had dried up to become an impenetrable rock inside of her chest. 

 

As for sexual intimacy, other than her own hand, Joan had known no other lover. 

 

Vera’s cheeks flushed. “Yes, well, I suppose. If that’s what you’d like out of life,” she stammered. 

 

Her response annoyed Joan. It was far too politically correct for her liking. She wanted to know what her deputy truly felt, no matter how messy, how ugly, how...emotional.

 

“And do  _ you _ Vera? Do you want that?” She eyed the brunette over the top of her glass and smirked as she saw pain, embarrassment, and then shame cross her pretty features. 

 

“I suppose. D-do you?” Vera squeaked. 


	3. Chapter 3

iii.

 

The bartender leaned forward and lifted her head at Vera. 

 

Vera leaned into her and smiled at the handsome woman. Her blonde hair was cropped short and framed her chiseled face, her muscular arms were bare thanks to the smart vest she was wearing overtop tight, pressed trousers. Her thin lips formed a smile and she eyed the view down the front of Vera’s dress appreciatively. Vera found her to be incredibly attractive and couldn’t help but wonder what it might be like to feel her tight, athletic body pressing down onto hers. 

 

“Hey Girly, someone at the bar wants to buy you a drink. That okay with you?” she asked. Her voice was rough and low and it sent a shiver down Vera’s spine. 

 

Vera licked her lips and considered her options. “Without alerting them, can you tell me who they are?” she asked sweetly. She twirled her hair for good measure and felt intoxicated by the compliant effect that it had on the woman in front of her. 

 

The bartender glanced to her right briefly before settling back on Vera. “See the tall one at the end of the bar? All dressed up? Real classy looking?” 

 

The flame in the pit of Vera’s stomach raged, setting afire all of Vera’s limbs, spilling liquid heat down the length of her bare legs, up to the aching pulse between her thighs. “Yes,” she breathed. She could only make out a bare silhouette of the patron in question, but Vera knew without a doubt that she wanted them. A weeks-younger version of herself would be shocked by the wantonness of Vera’s actions, and would be listing all the reasons why this was such a bad idea, but that Vera had vacated the body perched provocatively on the barstool and was not likely to ever return.  

 

The bartender nodded. “That’s the one. What shall I-”

 

“Yes,” Vera repeated. She could hear her own blood pounding in her ears. 

 

The bartender smirked at her and licked her lips. “It’s always the girly ones like you that are the most trouble,” she snickered as she expediently whipped up another vodka soda for Vera, “here you go love.” She winked at Vera before sliding down the bar to notify her admirer that her offering had been accepted. 

  
Vera savoured the first sip from her glass. She felt the cool liquid trickle down her throat just as agonizingly as she felt her admirer’s gaze trail up her bronzed, bare legs. 


	4. Chapter 4

iv.

 

“I-I’m so sorry, that was incredibly personal,” Vera apologized.

 

Joan’s eyes were hard and unreadable. Her lips were pursed and she still held her glass a few inches from her lips. Vera’a boldness had surprised her in a way that she wasn’t wholly comfortable with. Yet, she could not deny her curiosity as to where exactly Vera had plucked her courage from.

 

“We could just change the topic?” Vera tried.

 

Joan settled her glass against the polished surface of her desk and let out a chuckle. Her dark eyes softened and twinkled and she looked up at Vera. “Not a worry, it was a personal question when I asked it as well,” she said evenly. Perhaps her little mouse has some bite to her, Joan mused.

 

Vera felt a weight come off of her chest as they settled back into their comfortable routine. Joan inquired about various things that had taken place throughout the week and Vera provided her with thoughtful, thorough responses. Joan stood occasionally to refill their glasses until the generous bottle was finished and Vera wore a dark flush across her cheeks and chest. The wine hit her empty stomach hard and fast, and suddenly Vera was leaning well into Joan’s personal space to giggle at everything the older woman said.

 

Joan regarded the smaller woman next to her with bemusement. Vera was a complete delight when she was drunk; she was giggly, attentive, and impossibly sweet. It was like Vera’s most attractive qualities were somehow amplified when she was consuming alcohol. Not to mention, of course, that Vera’s messy curls fell haphazardly around her pink cheeks and her hands kept brushing against Joan as her hand gestures became more animated and daring. Joan felt a warmth that had nothing to do with the full bodied beverage they’d consumed tonight settle itself low in her belly.

 

“Someday you must answer my question Joan,” Vera slurred. She punctuated the end of her sentence with a giggle and she flipped her riotous curls over one shoulder. “You know way too much about me and I hardly even know what your favourite colour is,” she said softly.

 

Something about how Vera was looking at her in this moment made Joan want to open up to her, to unlock the door to the dark unknown beyond and allow Vera to step inside. Their debriefs over the last year, while initially had been important to Joan in gaining the younger woman’s allegiance, had slowly become the highlight of her week. Her heart rumbled resistantly yet it too craved the unique, beautiful companionship that existed between women. It had been so long, so very long.

 

“Green,” Joan said as she folded her hands in her lap. Green had always been her favourite colour. It reminded her of newly mowed grass and clean, fresh vegetables. It was calming, yet quietly powerful; so few people realized that just how much greenery dominated this world and would live on despite humanity’s efforts to destroy it. It symbolized health and vitality. It symbolized motion. It was one of the few colours that she could wear against her pale skin that didn’t make her feel ridiculous. It had been the colour of her mother’s eyes, and it remained the only feature of hers that Joan could still recall with absolute clarity.

 

“Really? I hadn’t imagined that to be it,” Vera said thoughtfully. “I thought maybe, red?”

 

Joan snorted lightly. “Too obvious,” she deadpanned.

 

“Alright, now the other question. Come on Joan,” Vera said, her intoxication caused her to elongate her syllables. Her hand waved vaguely between them before landing heavily on Joan’s thigh. It felt strong and warm beneath her palm and Vera found herself quite content to leave it there given that Joan had not objected to it.

 

Vera’s hand against her trouser-clad leg and the sweetness of her gently encouraging smile spurred Joan on. “A long term...commitment? A relationship?” Joan asked with disdain. “I don’t want that. I never have. And frankly, I’ve never known anyone to want that with me,” she quietly replied. She regarded Vera to discern her reaction.

 

Vera’s eyes widened and she leaned even closer, so close that Joan could smell her subtle floral perfume. It wrapped around Joan like a long-lost lover, penetrating her senses and making her mouth water.

 

“But..you’re wonderful!” Vera sputtered. “Anyone would be lucky to have you,” she said with earnest sincerity. Her hand clumsily patted the thigh beneath it and she searched Joan’s eyes for a clue as to how else she should be comforting her.

 

The tenderness in Vera’s actions made Joan’s heart compress painfully.


	5. Chapter 5

v.

 

Vera could feel her admirer’s eyes becoming bolder as they dared to come nearer. Vera clenched her thighs together as she sat perched atop the barstool; she felt like prey in the wild, just waiting to be pounced on and devoured.

 

She was already so wet. She could feel her stickiness wetting the apex of her inner thighs and her companion hadn't even _spoken_ to her yet. Vera grinned lasciviously to herself at the thought of what might happen between them this evening, of what she _hoped_ might happen. The rational part of her mind questioned Vera, doubted her ability to be able to follow through with her lustful instincts given that, well, given how _new_ this all was to her. Vera’s raging libido squashed that rising doubt.

 

Suddenly, an intrusive hand was on her shoulder and a bulky frame was inserting itself between Vera and the bar.

 

“What’s a nice little thing like you doing all alone?” A greasy smile was plastered across the woman’s face and her hand trailed lower down to Vera’s bicep. Vera made to shrug it off but the woman wasn’t interested in taking the hint. It held on still. “You look good enough to eat,” she said and her grin looked positively carnal.

 

With her free hand, Vera plucked the unwanted paw off of her. “I’m enjoying a drink. Alone,” Vera said cooly. She took in the wide hips, bulky arms, muscled thighs and thick dark hair which was slicked back and falling over the shoulders of the woman before her. All in all, she wasn’t an unattractive woman, but her entitlement and her inability to take a bloody hint rendered her monstrous in Vera’s eyes.

 

The woman frowned at Vera’s dismissal. “Now, that isn’t a very nice way to treat someone who is being friendly, is it?” she gritted through her teeth. Her eyes flashed menacingly and she placed her hand back on Vera, this time at the back of her neck. “Come on now, why don’t we try this again?” Her hand tightened just enough to let Vera know that she could overpower her if she wanted to.

 

Vera’s jaw clenched and her eyes scanned the bar to locate something that she could use to defend herself with. She was loath to waste her fresh vodka soda on this annoyance, but the pristine bar held no other options for her. She clutched the nearly-full glass more firmly in her hand and was just about to lift it and toss the contents into the woman’s eyes when another hand lay overtop the woman’s, squeezing and easily removing it from Vera’s body. Vera felt herself relax now that the imminent threat was off of her bare skin.

 

“I believe the lady has requested that you leave her in peace. Do you have difficulty understanding that request?” a smoky, low voice spoke from behind Vera. Vera’s palms became sweaty and her heart sped up. That voice, that _fucking voice._  

 

The woman in front of Vera glared at her saviour from over her head before muttering a string of curse words and leaving them at the bar. Vera splayed her hands out on the cool surface and bent her head to let out a nervous breath.

 

She felt a tentative hand on her forearm.

 

“Are you alright?” the deliciously low voice asked again.

 

Vera licked her lips and lifted her head to properly regard her companion.

 

“Did she hurt you?” A twinge of worry asserted itself in that tone.

 

Vera could only stare, slack-jawed, at the well-dressed woman in front of her.

 


	6. Chapter 6

vi.

 

“Thank you my dear,” Joan said tightly. She covered Vera’s hand with her own and mimicked Vera’s awkward patting.

 

Vera, emboldened by the alcohol and the intoxication she felt from touching Joan’s skin, laced her fingers together with Joan’s. She felt the connection which had been growing between them all these months formulate an even stronger bond as their bare flesh touched.

 

“I really do want it Joan. I want to come home to someone who will make me feel safe. To someone who will love me. No one’s ever said that they loved me,” Vera noted with sadness, “I think...I’m afraid that I might never know what that feels like.”

 

Her beautiful eyes, those damned, hypnotic orbs, began to give way to the sorrow that had been bottled up inside of her tiny body for the entirety of her adult life. Joan sucked in her breath as Vera’s fluffy head fell against her shoulder and her tears began to stain the crisp white of her shirt. Their hands still entwined, Joan dared to rub her thumb against Vera’s wrist and rest her chin on the crown of Vera’s head; her skin prickled at the innocent intimacy of this moment.

 

Jianna used to tell Joan that she felt the safest in her arms. She would sweetly joke that Joan’s arms held some sort of magical properties because whenever they encircled her, she always felt protected no matter how imminent the threat was.

 

They were useless, she was useless; Joan hadn’t been able to protect her when she’d needed it most. Joan felt a twinge in her gut, guilt settled itself deep inside of her and she retaliated by bringing her free arm up to pull Vera closer to her. She held Vera for what felt like hours, but what really only a few minutes before she felt Vera rub her face against her shoulder and sigh.

 

“Why don’t you want that?” her little mouse squeaked. “It sounds so nice, being loved.” She lifted her head and regarded Joan’s slightly stunned expression.

 

Her mentor was not beautiful in the traditional way, but Vera had always found her to be stunningly attractive. She adored the strength in her jaw and the regal slope of her nose. She loved the confidence in her walk and she adored thick muscle of her thighs and the generous width of her hips. Vera’s eyes darted from the dark eyes which always pulled to her with magnetic force to the well shaped lips that looked soft and delicious. She watched as Joan’s wet tongue darted out to nervously caress her lips, the moisture darkening them enticingly.

 

“Vera…” Joan said warningly. She felt the heat from her deputy’s stare, from the sheer nearness of her wanting body. She felt the trap of Vera’s wantonness closing in on her. She felt her heart pounding defiantly against her chest.

 

Vera watched, enraptured as Joan’s lips caressed the consonants and vowels of her name. She never knew that a name as plain and unexotic as hers could sound and look so good on another woman’s lips. She never knew how much she wanted to hear those four letters spill out of Joan’s mouth until now. She’d give anything to hear Joan say her name again and again, and under much more private circumstances.

 

“Please Joan,” she begged, “I want to know what it feels like.”

 

Joan felt the last of her self-restraint melt away and she leaned forward to brush her lips against Vera’s. She felt Vera sigh into the kiss and move her lips unsurely but eagerly against Joan’s. It was sinful how glorious this docile little creature’s lips felt against her, Joan felt the heat in her belly ascend to engulf her long limbs and her hammering chest. She pulled back after an indulgent moment, willing herself to back away from the enticing flames, but Vera’s earnest mouth followed her and she was suddenly being kissed with more passion and sweetness than she had known in the last sixteen years.

 

Joan moaned as Vera’s flailing hands came up to cup her face, she felt Vera’s thumbs tracing delicious patterns against her jaw and down the top of her neck. One hand boldly travelled down the length of that column and played with the collar of her shirt.

 

Joan pulled back, gasping and trembling with barely-restrained longing for this surprisingly daring woman.

 

“Vera,” she tried again but Vera’s lips were continuing their sweet attack against her jaw.

 

“How could you not want this? It feels so lovely,” Vera sighed as she kissed along the strong bone up to Joan’s cheek. “You feel so amazing.”

 

White hot panic gripped Joan’s entirety and she roughly pushed Vera back, paying no mind to the startled woman’s squeak as her back hit the metal of her chair.

 

“Enough,” Joan said sternly. “I think that the wine’s gotten to your head this evening.” She forced her breaths through her flared nostrils and she clenched her thighs together, willing the raging ache in her sex to dissipate.

 

Vera look at her like a confused, chastised child. Her mouth hung open and her eyes shone with hurt. “I don’t understa-”

 

“I think that it’s time we call it a night, hmm?” Joan said. She was already unrolling her sleeves and tending to the collar where Vera’s wandering hands had just been.

 

“Did I do something wrong? Did you not want me?” Vera asked, devastated.

 

Joan’s lips rubbed together and she averted her gaze from Vera’s piercing look. “Vera, it’s clear that you are exploring perhaps previously unrecognized feelings to do with your sexual orientation. I am not the subject with which you may test those explorations out on,” she said harshly. “If you are having such difficulty controlling yourself and your urges, might I suggest that you dress up in something nice and go to a bar? There are plenty I’m sure that would cater to your tastes.”

 

The pleasant warmth which had been languorously coursing through Vera’s limbs just moments ago evaporated and instead left her feeling hollow and numb. Her name on Joan’s lips cut through her, each letter slicing a little deeper until the blade hit bone.

 

“Right, of course Governor. My apologies.” She did not bother trying to hide the fresh tears that flowed down her face. She did not even look at Joan as she gathered her things and exited her office.

  
She did not see Joan furiously working to hold in her own tears. She did not see Joan wince as Vera defiantly slammed the door shut. She did not hear Joan’s muffled whimper as she leaned forward on her desk to land on her elbows, and certainly did not see the harsh breaths and quaking shoulders that shook Joan’s impressive frame.


	7. Chapter 7

vii.  

 

“V-Vera, please, talk to me,” Joan eyed Vera worriedly and squeezed the muscular forearm in her grasp. 

 

“Y-you. It’s you. Wh-what are you doing  _ here _ ?” Vera stuttered. The intrusive woman from moments ago was long forgotten. The fear she’d felt at her unwanted touch had long since dissipated. Hell, Vera had forgotten her own name in the last few seconds because Joan fucking Ferguson was standing in front of her wearing a tailored three-piece suit that accentuated her shapely legs and broad shoulders in a way that was practically lewd. Not to mention, of course, that they were both staring at one another while in the middle of an upscale lesbian bar. 

 

Joan’s black and silver hair was pulled back in a high ponytail, the ends of her thick mane curled around one shoulder and the diamond studs that she wore in her ears glinted in the dim lighting. Her white shirt was buttoned all the way up to her sturdy neck and her vest hugged her curves under the unbuttoned jacket that she wore. The stark contrast of the bright white of her shirt and the rich black of her suit and vest made her stand out in the bar which was filled with patrons wearing muted varying shades. 

 

Joan licked her lips and quietly removed her hand from Vera’s forearm. “I...I knew that you’d be here,” she answered. 

 

Vera turned on her stool and straightened her back to regard Joan fully. “You knew?” she repeated incredulously. “And how did you know?” 

 

Joan’s alabaster skin flushed guiltily and she bit her bottom lip before responding. “Because I know that you’ve been coming here every Friday for the last few weeks,” she said quietly. 

 

“Joan, have you been following me here?” At the older woman’s slight nod, Vera let out a strangled laugh. This whole evening had become completely insane. Ridiculous. And yet, so absurdly fitting for the two of them. Vera ran a hand through her hair frustratedly. She eyed Joan and waited for the taller woman to elaborate, but she stood before Vera like a statue; silent, still, and watching. 

 

“Well? Are you going to explain yourself?” Vera asked. 

 

“I was...harsh with you that evening in my office,” Joan started. She saw Vera wince at the mention of the ill-fated encounter that had transpired just weeks ago. “It wasn’t that I didn’t want...you were...we had the whole bottle of wine and...” Joan’s jaw tightened and her eyes flashed with anger at herself for being unable to articulate what had been a well-rehearsed speech that she practiced again and again each week on her drive over here.  

 

Vera saw Joan’s internal struggle playing out over her handsome features and took pity on the woman. She sighed and covered Joan’s hand on the bar with her own. Her action halted Joan’s stammering explanation and caused the suit-clad woman to widen her eyes hopefully. 

 

“You were frightened, right?” Vera didn’t wait for Joan’s confirmation to continue. “So was I. I thought that I was going to lose my job. I thought that I was going to lose our friendship.” Vera looked at Joan sadly.  _ I lost one of those things _ , her eyes screamed. 

 

Joan looked away guiltily. She hadn’t fired Vera, of course, but she’d pulled away from her deputy after that evening for the sake of her own self-preservation. They hadn’t met after work for drinks in her office since then and any conversations between them since had been kept both brief and painfully professional. Joan had needed to regain control over herself in Vera’s presence. Their actions that night had left her feeling unhinged and exposed; she’d needed to rectify it. 

 

She had curiously followed Vera here on the first night, hoping to be able to talk to the woman on neutral territory, but once she had seen Vera’s beautiful, nervous features in the lights of the colourful lounge, she’d lost her footing again. And so, she’d watched Vera from afar, making sure that the woman looked stable enough to get in her car at the end of the evening and drive herself home before Joan herself made the lonely trip back to her empty house. 

 

“I started coming here to numb the pain. I thought that maybe someone was better than no one,” Vera admitted. “I was terrified at first, I thought that I stuck out and in a bad way. But, well,” Vera shrugged, “I’ve found that I actually enjoy my time here now.” 

 

She knew of this place of course, everyone did, even those who did not frequent it. The first time she’d come here she’d been shaking with nerves and had worn a pair of dark jeans, a blouse, and a seafoam green cardigan. She had felt inadequate as she nervously ordered herself a drink and had downed it in less than five minutes before she was throwing cash on the bar and scurrying out of the lounge. It had been easier to go back, the second time. That night a leggy redhead had approached her and bought her a drink. They’d flirted and Vera surmised that she hadn’t made  _ too  _ big a fool of herself because the redhead had offered her number to her at the end of the night. But Vera’s hesitation had been obvious, and the redhead had chuckled and patted Vera on the arm and remarked that Vera should get her feet wet and when she felt comfortable, that she should come and find her at her booth. The third time, Vera had worn a skirt so short that she felt self conscious with each step she’d taken and felt the clingy material riding up her legs. That night, four different women had approached Vera and Vera went home feeling as light headed from the attention as she had their offered beverages. 

 

She realized, with a great deal of embarrassment now, that Joan had been witness to all of it. 

 

“I’ve noticed. You have more confidence,” Joan said quietly. There was pride in her voice but also barely disguised jealousy. 

 

Joan had painstakingly watched each night as more and more of the patrons in the bar had begun to notice Vera’s beauty and wit. Each time someone new approached her deputy, she’d felt a sharp jolt of pain. Joan’s eyes fluttered down to take in the dark blue dress that clung to Vera’s lithe body so beautifully and she felt it again, a heavy, sharp pain against her hardened heart. 

 

Vera felt emboldened by the fact that Joan’s eyes were currently eyeing down the front of her dress. She smiled triumphantly and the hand that lay overtop Joan’s gently pulled it off of the bar and placed it on her waist, bringing Joan to stand even closer to her. 

 

Joan’s breath hitched as Vera brought her to stand between toned legs which were now parting to accommodate her. Vera guided her hand to her tiny waist and Joan’s palm tingled as it felt the warmth radiating off of Vera’s body. She had never seen Vera do this with any of her other suitors.  _ Mine, _ Joan thought fiercely. She hoped that the aggressive woman who had so clumsily approached Vera earlier was watching them.  

 

Vera’s hands daringly trailed up Joan’s forearms, down her chest, to hook into the deep cut of her vest. “Did you watch me every night?” she asked, breathless. 

 

“Yes.” Joan felt light headed. Dizzy. Out of control. Vera’s hands were resting overtop her breasts and she could feel the heat from Vera’s thighs and sex radiating against her hips. 

 

“Why didn’t you approach me?” 

 

“Someone else always beat me to it,” Joan said. She sounded annoyed. Like she’d lost a game of chess to an inferior rival. No matter. She’d won tonight. She slipped her hands around Vera’s back and pulled her closer so that Vera’s claves slid against her knees. “And,” she faltered, “Initially I wasn’t sure if my...attentions would be welcomed,” she admitted.

 

Vera tilted her head and smiled at this trying woman. “And tonight? What made you decide to approach me tonight?” 

 

Joan’s lips moved wordlessly and she looked away, fixing her eyes on the dozens of bottles lining the back shelves of the bar. She let out a harsh breath, flaring her nostrils before responding. “I...those other women were not suited for you. They didn’t deserve your affections. They  _ leered _ at you and it was so obvious that they only wanted you for two sweaty minutes. You deserve more Vera, and they wouldn’t have given it to you.” She turned her head to look at Vera again. “Even now, do you have any idea how many of them are watching us? Wanting to be me, touching you?” One hand on Vera’s back lowered to touch the swell of Vera’s arse. From the corner of her eyes, she could see more than one of the women around the bar eyeing her jealousy. 

 

Vera raised her eyebrow at Joan sternly but it was nearly rendered useless by the sigh that slipped from her lips as Joan’s hot hands became more daring. “I didn’t ask you how you felt about me talking to other women, which by the way is  _ exactly _ what you told me to do. And, quite frankly, it’s what I  _ wanted _ to do. You don’t own me Joan,” she said, hoping that she sounded convincing enough, “I asked why  _ you _ made the choice to approach me tonight. I don’t want to hear about anyone else. I want to hear your reasons.” For good measure, Vera’s thumbs worked in tight little circles against the fabric of Joan’s vest, dangerously close to her breasts. Joan’s pale features became slightly flushed and Vera delighted in the hint of perspiration that shone against her forehead. 

 

Joan exhaled and leaned forward to whisper in Vera’s ear. “But I do Vera, I do own you. And we both know it.” Feeling Vera’s answering shiver, Joan continued triumphantly, “I wanted to be near you. I wanted to see you in this,” Joan’s hands squeezed the fabric of her dress, “up close. Did you buy this after I told you to? Hmm? Did you think of me when you put it on tonight?” 

 

Joan’s hot breath tickled the shell of Vera’s ear. If Vera thought that she’d been wet before, it was nothing compared to how fucking slick her inner thighs were now. Her thumbs hooked back into the expensive material of Joan’s vest and tugged slightly. Vera turned her head and exhaled smugly against Joan’s lips, “And now that you’re near me, what do you want?” 

 

Vera decided that Joan’s responding low moan was the sweetest thing she’d ever heard. 

  
  



	8. Chapter 8

viii. 

 

Once they were actually inside Joan’s home, Vera felt her confidence slipping.

 

They had travelled there in separate cars and Joan had chivalrously held open her door for Vera and had taken her jacket from her. Joan led her into the pristine kitchen with an offer of a drink and Vera had been too tongue tied to do anything but follow.

 

Vera was trembling in her four inch heels. The cool air inside of Joan’s home hit her exposed skin and caused the tiny hairs to stand out all over her flesh. She looked up from her feet and saw Joan watching her. Studying her. Committing every physical detail to that impressive catalogue that was her memory.

 

“Vera, relax. I don’t bite my dear.” _Unless you ask me to,_ Joan thought wickedly. A heavy silence fell between them and Joan waited patiently for Vera to say something.

 

Long moments passed until Vera broke the silence between them with a nervous giggle. She walked over to Joan and slipped her arms around her waist and laughed into her shoulder. “This is ridiculous. Why am I so shy all of a sudden?” she asked aloud. She inhaled deeply. Joan smelled of freshly pressed laundry and citrus; Vera wanted to devour her.

 

Joan felt herself relaxing a little at Vera’s admission of her mutual trepidation. This was, after all, rather uncharted territory for her as well. She reached down to take Vera’s hands in her own and bring them up to her lips, one by one, to kiss along each of Vera’s knuckles.

 

Vera bit her lower lip at Joan’s tenderness. Had someone told her a year ago that one day the most fearsome, menacing Governor to ever rule Wentworth would be gently kissing her hands she would have recommended a trip to the psychiatric ward.

 

Joan pulled Vera closer to her and gently dropped their hands to trail yearning fingers up Vera’s muscled biceps to play with the thin straps of her dress. “I like this Vera,” she said, her voice was deliciously rough.

 

Vera grinned, she felt a trickle of confidence returning to her. “I did think of you when I was trying it on in the store,” she whispered. The height of her heels brought her lips to the level of Joan’s handsome chin. “I thought about what you’d do to me if you saw me in it. What I’d want you to do to me,” she admitted.

 

Joan felt the familiar, languorous heat rising in her belly again. This sweet, delicious creature who had tormented her for so long would finally be hers. She felt a rising sense of pride and intense arousal at Vera’s bold words.

 

 _Oh my sweet Vera, you really have no idea what I’m going to do you tonight_ , she thought lecherously.

 

Joan’s long fingers slipped under the straps and glided down Vera’s collarbone, coming to a rest just above her breasts. Realizing that Vera hadn’t even bothered with a strapless bra under the garment, Joan let out a heavy breath and her eyes darted from where her hands were resting against Vera’s hot skin, to Vera’s darkened blue eyes.

 

Vera was breathing heavily through parted lips. Her cheeks were painted a pretty pink and her chest was heaving slightly. She tilted her head upwards and beckoned Joan’s lips to meet her.

 

Joan obliged and kissed Vera with a deep passion that made the younger woman’s knees wobble. Joan’s hands flew to her waist and she bent at the knees, easily picking up Vera’s slight weight and encouraging her to wrap her legs around her waist. Joan carried them to the wall by the staircase and her hands kneaded the firm muscle of Vera’s backside as they took the brunt of the younger woman’s weight. She landed Vera’s back against the wall with an audible _thud_ and used her hips to pin Vera there.

 

Joan shuddered. She had dreamt of this moment for far longer than she felt comfortable admitting to. She had dreamt of what it would be like to touch Vera’s skin, what it would be like to be granted entrance into her very being, what it would be like to hear ecstasy on Vera’s lips in the form of her name. Joan’s hands trembled slightly as Vera squeezed her incredible legs against her arse. This was everything; a culmination of months of torment. Months of Joan silently and embarrassedly bringing herself to orgasm with rushed hands and her teeth sinking into her lips to prevent Vera’s name from escaping from them. Months of watching Vera from afar, never daring to allow herself to get as close as her yearning heart beseeched her to. She would not fail, despite her lack of experience in these matters, she would make Vera understand. She would make Vera’s body submit to the pleasure that it so rightfully deserved. She would give Vera _everything._

 

Vera broke away from Joan’s insistent tongue to groan and take in a large gulp of air. “Joan,” she moaned before she lowered her head again to reconnect with the delectable flesh of Joan’s lips and tongue. Her hands wound themselves in Joan’s thick hair, dislodging the carefully arranged ponytail and holding Joan to her firmly. She was on fire. This was nothing like their first kiss, which in hindsight, had been dulled due to the strength of the alcohol that they’d consumed. This was liquid fire replacing the blood in her veins, delicious friction where Joan’s hands slid up her thighs to cup her arse and arousal on a scale that she’d never believed to be real.

 

Joan broke away from Vera, panting with the effort to restrain the raging beast that had been locked away inside of her for so long. She wanted to throw Vera against the marble counter top to their right and rip the clothing from her body. She wanted to push Vera’s thighs apart and devour the soaked, soft flesh between them. She wanted to leave Vera wet, bruised, and thoroughly fucked against the cool surface, too weak to stand up on her own. Then she wanted to carry Vera to her bed and fuck her into the firm mattress, making her cry out all over again. Afterwards, Joan wanted to cradle her sated lover in her arms and watch over her while she slept safely in a haven that Joan would create just for her. It frightened her, how vast her want for this woman was. It was endless, indescribable, and insatiable and that frightened her even more.

 

“Tell me,” Joan panted as the fingers of her one hand nudged aside Vera’s lace panties to tease the sopping wet curls of her sex, “is this what you’d hoped for when you put this on, hmm?”

 

Vera cried out into Joan’s open mouth as broad fingertips began to play in the wetness between her legs. “Fuck...mmm..f-fuck,” she whimpered.

 

“Did you imagine me pushing you up against my wall? Fucking you with my fingers? Too hot for you to even wait to get you into my bed?” Joan’s index and middle finger teased Vera’s entrance; she marvelled at the copious liquid flowing out from that clutching hole and surmised that her actions had been deeply pleasing to Vera. Feeling the evidence of Vera’s arousal stoked her confidence and gave her the courage to follow through with her desire to merge their yearning bodies. She pushed inside of Vera slowly and had to rest her head against Vera’s shoulder to take in deep breaths before continuing. Vera felt heavenly. Hot, wet, and clinging deliriously to her thick fingers. Her agonizing dreams paled in comparison to the reality of being inside of her lover. _My lover. Mine_ , she thought estatically.

 

“Fuck, Joan, oh...mmphg...J-Joan,” Vera’s words echoed off of the stainless steel and cool marble of Joan’s kitchen creating a gorgeous melody for Joan’s hungry ears. She ripped the elastic band out of Joan’s hair completely and tugged at the collar of Joan’s shirt; she needed to feel all of Joan’s body against her. She needed to know what Joan’s skin felt like pressed up against her own, she needed... _fuck._ Joan’s wrist twisted and her fingers were now pumping in and out of her with a speed and force that had Vera’s eyes rolling into the back of her head.

 

“That’s it,” Joan encouraged as she felt Vera’s legs tighten around her and as Vera’s head fell back to hit the wall. Joan pumped her fingers inside of Vera with a rhythm that she herself often favoured and watched for Vera’s reaction. Joan’s ears burned hotly as Vera whimpered and moaned out her desire for Joan to fuck her harder, a request that she was all too happy to oblige.

 

A sheen of perspiration had broken out against Vera’s chest and face, causing her hair to curl in tight ringlets around her flushed features. Joan felt Vera’s wetness sliding down her palm to wet the starched cuff of her shirt as she relentlessly fucked her as hard and as fast as their position would allow for. She parted her lips and harsh breaths tickled the skin of Vera’s collar, she could feel Vera getting closer to that delicious release and vowed not to stop until she did, the stiffness in her back and shoulder be damned.

 

Vera could feel the beginnings of her orgasm prickle beneath her skin. Her eyes snapped open and she looked down at Joan with a look of both terror and desire; she could feel the first waves cresting against her and they were so strong that they threatened to knock them both over.

 

“You. Are. Mine.” Joan huffed the words against Vera’s neck. Her lips and tongue latched onto the junction of Vera’s neck and collarbone and sucked the salty skin. “Mine,” she growled, “You belong to me. Not any of those bitches at the bar. _Me._ ” Her thumb pressed down unforgivingly against Vera’s swollen clit and Joan’s lips felt Vera’s responding howl from deep within her throat. The walls of Vera’s sex began to clench around her fingers to the point of causing pain and she redoubled her efforts.

 

Vera saw impenetrable darkness as Joan’s fingers coaxed from within an orgasm so fierce that she felt the breath rush out of her lungs. Her limbs went slack, she opened her mouth wider to let out a sound but nothing came out. Hot tears ran down her face as even hotter fluids coated her already drenched inner thighs. After the long and delirious convulsions finally left her body, she felt Joan extract her fingers from within her and she felt them both fall onto the floor in a crumpled heap of overheated bodies and sticky limbs.

 


	9. Chapter 9

ix. 

 

“Vera,” Joan’s husky voice called to her. “Vera! Vera, look at me!” 

 

Vera opened her eyes and blinked slowly. That authoritative voice pulled her out of a trance she hadn’t even recalled falling into. The fuzzy vision of silver and black and white sharpened and she saw Joan’s sweaty face and matted hair hovering above her. Her arms felt heavy and her legs tingled, she rubbed dry lips together and looked down at Joan’s sticky fingers, coated in her own fluids, resting against her chest above her heart. 

 

Joan felt the strong thrumming of Vera’s pulse beneath her fingertips and she let out a breath she’d been holding in since Vera went slack in her arms and fell like a ton of bricks down her wall. She leaned her forehead against Vera’s shoulder and inhaled the smell of sex and sweat. Her tongue darted out to lick at the cooling wetness on Vera’s skin. 

 

“Are you alright?” Joan asked concernedly. She hastily admitted to herself that perhaps she should have gone easier on Vera for their first round. 

 

“F-fine,” Vera croaked out. Her lips moved against Joan’s sweaty forehead and temple. “God Joan, that was,” she let out a half-sigh half-laugh, “that was incredible.” Her hands reached out and wrapped around Joan’s neck, drawing her in for a kiss that was chaste compared to their activity just a few moments ago. Vera smiled into the caress of their lips as she felt Joan adjust them so that Vera was in her lap, her back no longer supported by the wall but by Joan’s hand at her lower back. 

 

“Up,” Joan commanded. She motioned for Vera to stand up so that she could extract herself from the floor; she shook her long legs out, which had gone numb in the last few minutes, and stumbled as she stood, shooting Vera a glare as her younger lover raised an amused eyebrow at her. “I’m not as young as I used to be,” she muttered defensively, but her response only cause Vera to giggle. For her sass, Joan grabbed a strap of Vera’s dress and pulled her close, her other hand swatted the back of Vera’s bare thighs. 

 

Vera groaned as Joan’s wet hand collided with the back of her thighs. Immediately images of Joan’s hand swatting other parts of her bare flesh flashed through her mind at an alarming rate. She bit the inside of her cheek and filed those surprising fantasies away for later. Right now, she was very much looking forward to taking this exquisite suit off of Joan and learning every curve that it clung to. 

 

“Take me upstairs,” Vera said. She steadied herself on Joan’s forearm so that she could kick her shoes off of her feet before reaching for the buttons on Joan’s blazer. Nimble fingers made quick work of them and pushed the beautiful jacket from Joan’s broad shoulders. 

 

“You don’t give the orders, I do,” Joan warned. She caught Vera’s hands just as they were reaching for the buttons on her vest. 

 

Vera stepped back and looked up at Joan challengingly. Without breaking eye contact, she lifted the skirt of her dress up and off of her in one fluid motion. The tight material parted with dewy skin, and landed with a soft  _ swoosh _ on the floor next to Joan’s jacket. 

 

“Do you want me?” Vera asked. She rested her hands on her slim waist and chewed on her lower lip. She stood before Joan wearing nothing but her black lace panties which were soaked and sat on her hips haphazardly, exposing one of her lower lips. She felt daring and sexy and she  _ loved _ it. 

 

Joan’s eyes darted from Vera’s toned legs up to her stomach, to her perfect breasts, down to her half-visible sex, and then back up to the fire in Vera’s eyes. She swallowed hard and felt her brain short circuit at the sensory overload. 

 

Vera took a step towards Joan and reached for her vest again. Carefully, she undid each of the buttons while holding Joan’s gaze. “I want you to take me upstairs,” her fingers parted the expensive vest, “I want you to join me in your bed,” and it fell to the floor with the rest of their discarded clothing, “and I want you to finish what you started.” 


	10. Chapter 10

x.

 

Joan lowered Vera to the bed with the same brutal force as she had against the wall. Vera’s petite body bounced back up from the mattress before falling down onto it again as Joan pressed her full weight down onto her. Impatient fingers reached down to literally rip the delicate lace from Vera’s hips.

 

“Joan,” she groaned, “those cost me a fortune!”

 

“I’ll buy you a new pair,” Joan muttered into the skin of Vera’s neck where her lips and tongue were otherwise occupied; she was more than ready to taste the deliciously bare skin before her. She grinned wickedly against the sinew as she considered that her deputy had likely purchased the lingerie with her in mind as well.

 

Eager lips trailed down to enclose around an erect nipple and the reaction it caused within Vera made Joan falter as she felt an ache of pleasure just as keenly in her own body. She swirled her tongue around the pink pebbled flesh and ran her teeth against the tip. Vera’s back snapped upwards and into Joan’s mouth, and Joan grinned against the soft skin.

 

Vera’s hands found purchase in Joan’s hair again and combed the tangled tresses back so that she could see the beautiful face of the woman currently doing deliciously wicked things to her.

 

“Joan,” she sighed as Joan’s lips left one breast to lavish the other with the same attention. “Fuck,” she arched impossibly further into Joan’s hot mouth and pulled hard on the hair in her hands. She felt those long fingers teasing at her sex again and she felt a shiver of anticipation slice down her limbs; as much as she had enjoyed her earlier orgasm it had happened so quickly that she hadn’t had the time to truly appreciate the feeling of Joan’s hands working her most intimate area. Now that her flesh had been sated once, she hoped that she might draw out what Joan was doing to her, what she was making her feel. Her hands reluctantly left Joan’s hair and trailed down to tug at the white shirt over her shoulders.

 

"Joan, take this off,” Vera hissed.

 

Joan let go out Vera’s nipple with an audible sucking noise and worried her teeth against the prominent collar bone just above it.

 

“What did I say about giving orders Vera?” Joan reminded her. She reached for Vera’s hands and pinned them above her head. Vera squirmed but it was no use, Joan was far stronger than she was.

 

Vera huffed and looked up at Joan desperately. “You must be joking,” she said.

 

“Not at all,” Joan replied. She increased the pressure at Vera’s wrists.

 

Vera’s mind spun its wheels despite her lust-clouded haze. “Fine. Then we stop here.” She smirked to herself as she saw the annoyance flash across Joan’s face. She arched her back again, pushing her breasts into Joan’s face. “You want me again, don’t you? Well quid pro quo Joan. I want you naked. And I want to touch you. Now.” She could see the conflict raging beneath Joan’s poor attempt at imperviousness and it made her feel incredible to have this sort of effect on her lover.

 

“Vera,” Joan ground out. The temptress beneath her merely arched her brow at her and pulled her breasts away from her. Vera’s legs fell from where they’d been wrapped around Joan’s waist and Joan hated herself for the shudder that ran through her at the loss of contact.

 

Vera licked her lips nervously. Had she pushed Joan too far? She recalled how violently Joan had pushed her off of herself in the office during their ill-fated first encounter. Did Joan not like to be touched? Or did she just not like it when Vera touched her? Her heart felt heavy as she contemplated the latter.

 

Joan felt a rising panic grip her heart as she saw the fear and rejection in Vera’s eyes and she saw the subsequent tears threatening to spill forth. She removed her hands from Vera’s wrist and sat up so that she was straddling Vera. Her hands felt heavy and clumsy as she reached for the buttons of her shirt, she did not make a performance out of removing it, in fact, she was barely able to meet Vera’s eyes as bit by bit, Joan removed her armour.

 

Vera sat up. Her hands reached out to rest on Joan’s well defined waist. Joan’s stomach flared out into wide hips and a firm rear, all covered by skin so pale it practically glowed in the dim bedroom lights. Vera loved the contrast in the warmth of her skin versus the coolness of her lover’s skin. Her hands wrapped around to caress the skin of Joan’s back and she frowned as her fingertips intercepted raised lines decorating Joan’s flesh.

 

In one swift motion, Joan pushed herself off of Vera and crouched next to her. “I -”

 

“Oh Joan, come here,” Vera said tenderly. Seeing Joan’s hesitation Vera got to her knees and shuffled over to Joan. She took Joan’s hands and placed them on her waist. “My mother…” Vera took a steadying breath, “she left her mark on me too. You can’t see it, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t hurt,” she said quietly.

 

Joan brought one hand up to brush Vera’s hair back and cup her face. Her thumb traced the fullness of Vera’s lower lip and she marvelled at how this woman in her arms could go from raging temptress to perceptive, generous, and comforting lover in just a matter of seconds.

 

“I didn’t mean to push you. I just...I want to be near you,” Vera whispered, echoing Joan’s words from earlier. “All of you. Exactly as you are.”

 

Joan let out a cleansing breath and felt Vera’s lips at her cheek. She felt the delicate hands of her lover mapping out the ugly, white scars that decorated the middle of her back. She felt kisses press against her cheek in time with each gentle caress against the markers of violence against Joan’s flesh.

 

She felt the panic leave her body and in its place, she felt Vera’s tender affection fill her up.


	11. Chapter 11

xi.

 

Joan’s skin was soft as silk and Vera found herself groaning from the sheer pleasure of touching the older woman. As the remnants of her armour fell away they left in their wake a pale goddess reclining against the luxurious bedsheets. As the last of Joan’s clothing was finally stripped away, Vera fell back against the bed and lifted her hands above her head playfully.

 

“A promise is a promise,” she giggled. Her giggle became a squeal of delight as Joan rolled off of her back and onto Vera, smirking into a tender kiss between them.

 

Joan’s hands did not return to their previous spot at Vera’s wrists, instead, they wandered across the firm planes and curves of Vera’s body. Her mouth returned briefly to reacquaint themselves with Vera’s breasts before slipping lower to devour the hard muscle and soft skin of Vera’s abdomen. She was both hard and soft, small and strong, achingly sweet and maddeningly demanding; as Joan parted Vera’s thighs, she finally conceded to herself that she was very much in love with this juxtaposing woman.

 

Vera had to remind herself to breathe as Joan’s tongue lapped at her drenched folds. Her trembling hands gripped Joan’s broad shoulders and held on for dear life as Joan’s tongue settled into a blissful rhythm. Joan’s hands held her thighs apart, with one drifting upwards every few moments to gently tease Vera’s small breasts. On her third ascension, Vera caught Joan’s hand with one of hers and entwined their fingers against her rapidly beating heart.

 

Joan moaned against Vera’s sex. Vera was so sweet against her tongue, so sweet and so soft that Joan doubted if she could allow herself to leave this heavenly spot between her thighs tonight. Joan was in awe at how anyone could taste so incredible, at how anything could feel so right against her tongue. She had no idea how she’d survived her entire adult life without knowing what it felt like to kneel before a woman and worship at the altar of her sex, but she knew that for as long as Vera would allow her, that she would return again and again to bend her head in prayer against her most sacred flesh. She felt Vera’s inner thighs begin to tense just moments after her mouth fit itself against her sex, and she felt fresh sweat gathering behind Vera’s knees. She circled Vera’s clit with purpose then enveloped it in her hot mouth, sucking on it quite deliberately.

 

Vera cried out as her hips danced to the tune set by Joan’s lush mouth. She felt her whole body tense as the waves of her pleasure, softer but no less beautiful than before, crashed into her.

 

“Vera, my Vera,” Joan murmured in awe against Vera’s inner thigh which was slick with sweat and secretions from both her sex and Joan’s mouth.

 

Vera held tighter onto the hand against her breast, gently squeezing Joan’s fingers and her own flesh beneath them. “Yours,” she affirmed. She felt Joan kiss her way up her spent body and lean over her on a bent arm. The thumb beneath her hand moved back and forth in gentle circular motions sending tiny shivers up and down Vera’s spine.

 

Joan looked at her with unabashed tenderness and longing. Vera rolled onto her side to mirror Joan’s half-propped up body and gently nudge her lips. Their hands fell away from Vera’s breast as they each reached out to trace the other’s face.

 

Vera’s hand cupped Joan’s cheek gently and tucked silver-streaked hair behind her ear. “There was something else I thought about when I bought that dress,” she whispered.

 

Joan’s eyes glinted and her hand against the back of Vera’s neck tensed.

 

Vera sucked on the delicious flesh of Joan’s lower lip. “I thought about what you’d let me do to you,” she breathed. “In fact, that’s what inspired me to make the purchase. The hope that you’d find it so pleasing that-”

 

Joan covered Vera’s mouth and rolled them over so that Vera was under her again. She kissed her with a wantonness that did wonderfully dirty things to Vera, despite her recent satisfaction.

 

Joan kissed and kissed her until their mouths were sore and they were both struggling for breath. Only then did her lips shift to visit the elegant edge of Vera’s jaw. What Vera was suggesting, what she was so sweetly demanding of her, Joan wanted it with a fierceness and primalness that she feared would frighten her Vera away. That it would repulse her, especially now that she’d seen the lasting markers of her father’s discipline against her skin.

 

She wanted Vera to posses her. To mark her. To devour her. To push her to the edge of pleasure and pain and to blur those lines past the point of recognition. What she wanted from Vera, what she so desperately needed... if Vera refused her, Joan could never allow herself to submit to another lover ever again. She could never allow herself to so much as _see_ Vera ever again. She could never allow herself to experience pleasure, even of her own initiation, ever again for she would be forever haunted by this moment, and its outcome, between them. She needed Vera to understand, she needed her to see the difference between what she needed from her and the shame that had marked her skin since childhood.

 

Vera’s delightfully wandering hands sought out the firm roundness of Joan’s backside and kneaded the muscle, loving the groan it produced from her lover. She felt Joan’s slickness coating her thigh and she held Joan tightly to her so that her engorged clit rubbed against Vera’s tensed muscle.

 

“I want you,” Vera moaned. She felt Joan shudder in her arms and grinned at the beautiful display of submission. With deliberate care, Vera guided Joan onto her back and resumed their kissing.

 

Joan let out a soft mewl of pleasure as Vera’s lithe body pressed down onto hers. Her lover’s gentle weight felt incredible against her and Joan squirmed under her in response.

 

Vera’s mouth lowered and trailed down the thick column of Joan’s neck.

 

Joan squirmed again. Vera’s lips and tongue were so gentle against her flesh. Too gentle. She had to make her understand, yet she was terrified of her lover’s rejection.

 

Vera sensed the tension in Joan’s body and pulled back to regard her. “Are you okay?” she asked softly. A hand came up to brush Joan’s hair back reassuringly. “What is it?”

 

Joan let out a nervous sigh and nudged her nose against Vera’s cheek. “I want...kiss me harder,” she said fearfully.

 

Vera smiled at Joan’s request and lowered her lips again to apply more force behind her kisses, yet the tension in Joan’s body did not leave. She propped herself up on an elbow above Joan and looked down patiently at her lover. “Joan, make me understand. Tell me what you need. I..,” she faltered, “I’ve not done this before,” a fierce blush painted her cheeks, “I just want to make you feel good. Please?”

 

Joan’s eyes widened and a different kind of flush broke out against her cheeks. Her gaze fell to Vera’s beautiful body and she found courage in the fact that Vera had trusted _her_ to bring it pleasure. “I want you to do it harder,” she muttered, “I want you to…,” she took a breath and looked up into Vera’s eyes, willing her to understand, begging her to hear the words that she could not vocalize, words that she had never had to vocalize before, words that she never believed that she would be vocalizing one day to a lover as sweet and as patient as her Vera. “I want…” She took Vera’s hand within her own and brought it to her lips, finding comfort in the soft skin beneath her lips.

 

Vera nodded her head slowly as realization crept up on her. She saw the fear of rejection in Joan’s eyes and her heart ached for her lover; she knew how painful it was to have sincere affections misunderstood or used against a person when they were at their most vulnerable. She didn’t understand _why_ Joan needed this, she only knew that she did need it, and that was more than enough for Vera. She caressed Joan’s face, then lowered her head again, this time, brutally sucking the mouthful of skin beneath her. Immediately she felt Joan’s body shake off the fear that had wedged itself between them and give way to a different kind of tension, one that was thick and hot with the promise of pleasure.

 

Joan’s back arched and she felt tears prickling at the corners of her eyes. “Yes,” she hissed. “Oh, oh...Vera!” She felt the scrape of Vera’s teeth against the side of her neck and she felt a warm gush of fluid bathe her inner thighs.

 

Vera pushed her body back down on to Joan, this time, allowing her full weight to fall on top of the larger woman. Her hands were firm and her fingers strong as she reached between them to pull at Joan’s hard nipples. She could feel Joan’s body shudder in response and she twisted the tender flesh even harder.

 

“Uh...ahhh!” Joan cried out as Vera released the side of her neck to assault her sensitive nipple with her sharp teeth and the hard suction of her mouth. Vera’s hand roughly shoved Joan's legs apart and blunt nails raked up and down her damp thighs and Joan thought that she might explode right then and there.

 

“Please...Vera, b-bite me,” Joan gasped as Vera’s mouth switched to her neglected breast. Joan was delirious with the pleasure that Vera’s actions were delivering to her; she’d never been this wet or this wanton before. Not even the evening that Vera had first kissed her, when she’d gone home and hastily fucked away the deliciously persistent ache that Vera had unknowingly caused.

 

Vera locked eyes with Joan as she sunk her teeth into the dusky pink of Joan’s sensitive flesh. She saw intense pleasure wash over Joan’s handsome features as she alternated between chewing the skin and lavishing it with her tongue.

 

Joan’s hips bucked against Vera and her hand flew down to grasp Vera’s and shove it between her dripping lower lips. She could not wait any longer, she needed the blissful completion that only Vera could give to her and she needed it _now_.

 

“Fuck me,” she demanded, she enunciated each syllable, “I need…” A loud moan swallowed the rest of her words as Vera’s fingers responded to Joan’s command and began to tease her aching sex.  

 

Vera certainly wasn’t going to deny Joan anything at this point. She allowed Joan to guide three of her fingers into her hot, sopping hole, angling her wrist in a way that ensured the tips of her fingers would graze Joan’s g-spot. Joan’s hand fell away and her legs widened to accommodate Vera’s thrusting.

 

“How hard do you want it?” Vera panted. She was dizzy just from the feel of Joan’s slippery inner muscles swallowing up half of her hand. For a moment, Vera thought that she might actually come a third time this evening just from being inside this incredible woman.

 

Joan tilted her chin upwards and sunk her teeth into Vera’s lower lip. “Hard. Fuck me like you mean it,” she growled as she tugged the flesh between her lips and teeth.

 

Vera shifted slightly and braced herself on a bent arm; her bicep tensed as it took the brunt of her weight and her other arm flexed as it slammed into Joan with all of Vera’s strength. Joan’s eyes darkened to match the black strands of her hair as Vera roughly pulled back to slam into her again.

 

Joan’s hands clutched at the sheets next to her hips. Her palms were hot and sweaty and still held traces of Vera’s juices on them. She noted that her bedsheets would smell like them, and she almost considered skipping the laundry tomorrow so that she could fall asleep with her face pressed up against their combined scent for a few more days. Almost.

 

Above her, Vera’s muscular arms glowed thanks to the dim lighting and slick sweat that coated them. Each thrust into Joan’s wanton body caused the defined biceps to tense and flex, highlighting Vera’s underestimated physical strength and sturdiness. Vera shifted slightly and her accompanying thrust caused the muscle of her upper arm to bulge to its full width; Joan groaned at the sight and felt a responding gush of fluid trickle down and into Vera’s eager hand.

 

Vera felt sweat coating her tensed back and shoulders and furrowed brow. She crushed the heel of her palm forcefully against Joan’s pulsating clit and roughly curled her fingers against her pleasure spot deep inside of her. She fucked Joan with everything that she had, so hard that the bed started to squeak in protest. She studied the look of elation on Joan’s face as her thick fingers stretched her out nearly to the point of pain and Vera felt her heart throb knowingly at the trust that Joan placed within her tonight to allow Vera to fuck her like this.

 

Joan’s hands left the wrinkled sheets to clutch at Vera’s defined shoulders, her thumbs grazed the hard muscle and her fingertips dug into it, delighting in its sturdiness. Her mouth fell open and her eyes glazed over, she could feel the prickling sensation of thousands of nerve endings joining together to create a brilliant crescendo at her core.

 

A look of unfiltered euphoria crossed Joan’s sharp features and Vera decided that she’d never seen anything so beautiful in her entire life. “J-...Joan, I love you,” Vera panted as she felt Joan’s inner muscles grip her fingers in a crushing embrace. She felt Joan’s entire body become rigid with pleasure and Joan’s nails dig into her shoulders even harder.

 

Joan’s head fell back against the warm sheets and the last thing she heard before the white noise swallowed her whole was Vera’s passionate declaration of love against the erratically thrumming pulse in her neck.

  
  



	12. Chapter 12

xii. 

 

Joan’s breathing was ragged and loud. Her chest ached and burned and her body felt heavy as she fell back against the mattress like an anchor lazily sinking to the bottom of the ocean. 

 

Vera gently withdrew her fingers from inside of Joan and she crawled down her lover’s trembling limbs to place an open mouthed kiss against her spent sex. Her tongue flicked out to commit Joan’s heady taste to memory and she noted, with joy, that Joan’s hips swayed happily into Vera’s caress. Next time, she would shove Joan’s thighs apart and devour her until Joan cried out and begged her to stop. She would come to know the contours of Joan’s sex against her lips and tongue, she would drown, happily, in Joan’s pleasure, in her cries of ecstasy, in her slick wetness that so generously flowed from her. 

 

A heavy hand fell onto Vera’s head and gently tugged at matted chestnut curls. “Come here,” it commanded. Joan’s voice was huskier than usual; it was coated in the thick laziness that was subsequent to a good, hard fuck. 

 

Vera complied and rested her head against Joan’s breast. Her leg curled itself around Joan’s wide hips and her arm reached over to loosely wind itself around Joan’s neck. Their skin and hair stuck together awkwardly but Vera could not bring herself to move from the chaotic perfection that they’d created in the space between them. 

 

Joan’s arms curled around Vera and her head rolled to the left of her so that her lips connected with the cooling skin of Vera’s forehead. Vera’s admission replayed in her mind and she wondered if now was the right time to bring it up. She didn’t know what was normal for lovers to do following such a spectacular gift of mutual orgasms. Anytime Joan’s own actions had brought her to such heights, she had leapt out of bed as soon as she was done to wash her hands and wipe herself dry before crawling back into bed to fall asleep. In recent months, she’d then spent the minutes before drifting off to sleep trying her very best  _ not _ to think of what it might be like to hold a naked, sated Vera in her arms. True to form this evening, even those decadent fantasies paled in comparison to the unbelievable reality currently resting atop her own naked flesh. 

 

Happily resting on top of the solid frame of her lover, Vera’s hand played in the soft tangles of her hair. Tomorrow morning, if Joan allowed it, she would join her in the shower and gently work out the tangles with a wide tooth comb and a generous amount of conditioner. After, she would brush it out and braid it for her so that it would not tangle when Vera descended down her gloriously long limbs to part her thighs and become properly acquainted with her most intimate flesh. 

 

“Joan?” She nuzzled the skin below Joan’s collarbone. “Joan?” she beckoned again. Her beautiful goddess sighed happily and Vera felt her heart swell. 

 

“Mmm,” Joan replied. Her linguistic abilities had been momentarily rendered incompatible by Vera’s delightfully talented hand. She hadn’t dared to hope that their connection would be as delicious and as electric as it had been this evening; Joan was looking forward to whatever other surprises Vera had in store for her. Assuming of course that her deputy  _ wanted _ a continuation of this evening... Joan shifted beneath Vera and held onto her tighter, surely Vera did not mean for this evening to be a once and only? Surely she had no intentions of returning to the bar next Friday evening? 

 

Vera felt Joan’s heartbeat flutter anxiously and she sunk her teeth into the rising swell of her breast. She counted to three, then removed her teeth and traced their marks with her tongue. Above her, a pretty pink painted Joan’s elegant cheekbones in response. Confident now that she had her lover’s full attention, Vera dove into the conversation that they had so clumsily abandoned weeks ago. 

 

“What you said, that day, about not knowing anyone who’d wanted to be with you?” Vera’s fingertips trailed across the broken capillary veins at the base of Joan’s neck. She marvelled at the beautifully harsh contrast of Joan’s alabaster skin and the surrounding redness. She dared to hope that Joan would allow her to leave markers of her affection against other areas as well. She looked forward to it. 

 

Joan shifted under her again and cleared her throat. “Yes?” Her heart thudded so loudly she could hardly hear Vera’s next softly spoken words. 

 

“You were wrong. I wanted to. I...I still do. I want to have that sort of life with you, if…” Vera paused, “If you changed your mind and decided that you wanted it after all.” Vera looked up from Joan’s neck into her deep brown eyes and searched for a sign that the love she felt for Joan might be reciprocated. Her own admission had slipped from her lips as Joan's entire body caved into the pleasure that it trusted Vera to give it, and she dared to hope that Joan had heard it in her delirious state. 

 

Joan’s heart expanded so vastly inside of her chest that she found it difficult to breathe. She held Vera tighter to her and pressed her trembling lips against her lover’s skin. The purity of the emotion that she saw in Vera’s eyes terrified her, but she found that she could no longer run away from it. 

 

“Oh Vera,” she sighed. Joan placed two fingers under Vera’s chin and angled it so that their lips were nearly touching. She took a deep, measured breath before willing herself to let go, finally. “I love you. I want you to hear those words. I want you to finally know how it feels, and I want you to understand that it will never change,” she spoke softly, confronting the fears that Vera had drunkenly whispered to her all those weeks ago. “You will never have to go another day being unloved,” she said fiercely. “You are mine. You will never have to feel unsafe or alone, I promise you Vera,” Joan avowed. She felt a tremendous weight lifted from her shoulders as her heart finally gave way to the truth that had been locked inside of it for agonizingly long months. 

 

Vera smiled up at her so beautifully that Joan found herself falling for this wondrous creature in her arms all over again. A delicate squeak left Vera’s lips and the skin at her eyes crinkled with the force of her joy. Joan wanted to spend the rest of her life causing that reaction in Vera. 

 

“So, you’ve changed your mind then? You do want it?” Vera dared to ask. Joan’s lips descended onto hers and she felt Joan smile between the gentle mergings of their flesh. 

 

Vera pulled back, her eyes alight with endearing impatience as she awaited Joan’s response. She had to know, she had to hear the words from Joan’s lips. Her entire body was buzzing with anticipation and she could hardly keep herself from descending into a gentle giggling fit. 

 

Joan chuckled softly at the look of sweet, eager longing in Vera’s eyes and at the girlish giggles that escaped her beautifully full lips. 

 

Joan had craved the companionship of women for as long as she could recall. She had yearned for the beautiful intimacy that existed between female lovers since she was old enough to understand the urges of her own flesh. She had longed for the warmth that permeated one’s being when they were wrapped up in the arms of their beloved since she’d understood what it felt like to love another. She had wanted it all, and with a desperation that she had been taught, mercilessly, to be ashamed of. 

 

“I always have Vera,” she admitted softly. “I had simply accepted long ago that it would never happen.” She frowned and a dark sadness flashed across her features. “That it shouldn’t happen,” she said quietly. 

 

Vera crushed her lips against Joan’s and Joan felt her lover’s hot tears fall down her own face. Vera pulled back and regarded Joan intensely. “And I promise  _ you _ that you never have to feel that way ever again,” she said with equal fierceness, “I love you,” she repeated. “All of you.” A hand inserted itself between Joan’s sweaty back and their damp bedsheets to protectively caress the permanent markers of Joan’s shame. Vera would happily spend the rest of her days attempting to remove them with the force of her love, if Joan would let her. 

 

Joan nodded her head, silently acknowledging her lover’s vows, her lip trembled and tears spilled forth. Vera’s thumb brushed them away and her lips held onto Joan’s lower lip with gentle assertion. 

 

Joan parted from Vera and smiled. She took a steadying breath and continued, “I wanted it still, despite…’ Joan paused, frowning, “I realize now that what I was really missing was someone to want it  _ with _ . But I’ve found you now,” Joan whispered.

 

Joan licked her lips nervously and Vera was overcome, for the second time this evening, by how much trust Joan placed within her to allow Vera to explore the vulnerable corners of her being. She was beautiful. Raw. Complex. Imposing. Imperfect. She was Vera’s lover, her mentor, the woman who had caused her great pain but had gifted her even greater love. Vera knew with absolute certainty that there would be no room in her heart for any other woman who was not Joan Ferguson. 

 

Joan allowed Vera to climb more fully on top of her. She felt Vera’s hands lift her own to carefully lay them next to either side of her head on the pillow. She felt Vera entwine their fingers and she felt Vera’s firm breasts press down onto hers. 

 

Vera’s affectionate lips fluttered against the sharp point of her chin and she felt her shame shrivel up as Vera’s love began to extract it, like the poison it was, from her body. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all who read this fic and left such loving words of encouragement and praise! I appreciate it more than you know!


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